Friday, June 6, 2008

The boys are back in house.

Our 20-something sons are moving back in for awhile for a bunch of reasons, none of which are anybody's business but our own.

Yet we're getting plenty of judging feedback. Not from psychologists or clergy or self-help gurus.

Nope, most of the tut-tut is coming from people who don't have kids, who haven't helped with homework, who have no idea about the price of young men's car insurance, who haven't paid attention to the way college funding has dried up for all but the most exceptional students, who think rip-off loans are just the price kids should pay for survival in this society, and who apparently haven't heard about kids with BAs helping people set up their Sleep Number beds or doing payroll for beauty supply companies.

FYI, my kids work their asses off and play fabulous original music and have a bunch of great friends, many of whom are in the same boat. They work full time, they pull their weight in society, they value family and integrity and creativity and kindness.

It is true that they are not on linear paths through life and they are not great at math. Nor are they currently making enough money to support themselves. So sue them.

We support their creative efforts and want to help them out a little. So sue us, too.

Frankly, I like having them around. They'll figure things out eventually. Meanwhile, judgers, please avert your eyes while we do what parents do.


flora said...

For us, it's not uncommon for Chinese kids to stay with their parents until they got married... so I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as they are not laying around the house and do nothing all day.

Eric Weslander said...

My wife and I get tons of help, financial and logistical, from our family on both sides, and we would have a hard time remaining solvent without it. Once in a while I'll hear stories about people who are turning down help from their parents and feel I should maybe strive to be more self-reliant... but then again, families exist to help each other out, and I hope to do the same thing for my kids when they're older.

I think the linear path is a myth anyway.

Kellybelle said...

Your boys are great. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight.

cadigan said...

Greetings from North London, Molly!

Followed the trail of breadcrumbs from Jeannie's blog to here and wanted to say hello, especially as another mother whose offspring isn't following a linear path through life.

Frankly, I couldn't be happier about that.

Of course, if Rob wanted to do something like that because it made him happy, I'd have no objection. But he's not that kind of person. He's going his own way and I'm doing all I can to encourage him.

He's moved out, then back in, and recently out again. But we told him that his room is always his, no matter what. I anticipate a few more moves back home.

The world isn't like it was when we were their age--it's a lot tougher to live on your own these days. I wouldn't be surprised to see, within a couple of generations, a general return to the old multi-generational home--grandparents, parents, kids, and even great-grandkids all under one roof again, this time out of economic necessity.

Meg Biram said...

Love this post. I know TONS of people who have lived with their parents post-college, seems pretty normal to me. Even if is wasn't, who cares?!? Your house. Your family. Your decision. I'm glad you foster their creativity!